I'm new to blogging but I've always thought about starting it. I feel like my story with Madden is something that moms out there could read and gain some hope about their babies. My baby is almost a year old and its made me start thinking about everything we went through. So I thought I would share...
Most of my pregnancy with Madden was great. I felt great mostly, hardly any complaints. On my 18th week I had a scheduled ultra sound to find out what we were having and we were told we were having a boy! My husband and I were so excited! A boy is exactly what we wanted! They checked him out to make sure all his little parts were there and looked good. Of course he wiggled around a lot so they had a hard time looking at his brain and spine. They told me next time I come in they will check again just to confirm everything is ok.
I went in again on my 23rd week. The ultasound tech checked out my little boy and said that he looked good and she didn't see anything wrong with him. Thank goodness! I got dressed and went to the room where the doctor would see me. The nurse came in and asked me to undress and get in a gown. I thought that was a little odd because normally I just had to lift my shirt up so they can listen to his heartbeat. Ok so no biggie. I changed into that beautiful robe! The doctor came in shortly after that and said she wanted to do a pelvic exam. She said not to get alarmed but that the ultra sound showed that my cervix was shortened. She said according to the report I had .75mm left of my cervix that was holding my sweet baby boy in. She assured me that the ultra sound could be wrong so she wanted to check my cervix for herself. She did the exam and said that it didn't feel shortened but that maybe just to be safe I should see a specialist. The doctors office had to make an appointment with the specialist for me because apparently they don't allow patients to call them and make their own appointments...
I waited until about 2:00 pm the next day until my doctors office finally called me back to tell me I had an appointment the next day with the specialist. In the meantime I was a nervous wreck! Of course I had to google everything I could find about a shortened cervix. I was sick to my stomach with worry! (I vowed several times never to use google again!)
My husband and I went to see my specialist the following day. What a grumpy old man he was! I instantly didn't like him because he wasn't the sweet type of doctor that comforts you and tells you that everything "should be" fine. He was straight to the point. I walked in, he asked why I was there (although he had my doctors report in hand). I explained to him about the ultra sound I had and how short it claimed my cervix was. He said "well I hope its not that short because thats not good". Really?!? Thanks Doctor! He grilled me about my entire pregnancy prior to that, lectured me on my sugar levels (yes, I also had gestational diabetes controlled by insulin shots) and then told me to lay back so he can check my cervix. Finally! This is all I wanted to know! I know my sugar is bad, I know I should eat gross food that no pregnant woman wants, skip that, tell me if I can keep my baby inside!
He performed the ultra sound and paused the screen. He leaned back and said "well your cervix is shortened and if you look right here it shows it is also funneling open. However, I show about 1.21cm left before it opens". Ok, so I'm sick to my stomach but at least its better than .75mm right? So we ask questions, what can we do, what does this mean, am I going to lose my baby, can he survive at 23 weeks???? He said typically he will put in a cerclage but that because my cervix is funnelling open we take a chance of rupturing them membrane if he were to put a cerclage in. A cerclage is basically a stitch that looks like shoe laces that usually goes below your cervix and keeps it from opening. Great, so I cant have that done, so what do I do? His answer, strict bedrest. Get up to pee when you absolutely have to (I'm pregnant, every 5 minutes I absolutely have to!), take showers when necessary, keep your hips propped up when you can and relax.
Bedrest. I work full time and my family depends on both of our incomes. But this is also my babies life. I tried for years to get pregnant and I'm not going to lose this baby because I can't stay home in bed. The specialist said to make an appointment for 2 weeks and if I'm still carrying the baby to come back and see him for a checkup....IF
I left the office in tears. My husband is a great man! He patted my back and kept telling me we would be ok and so would our little boy. Meanwhile I'm losing it. I had just ordered his custom made crib set, with his initials on everything. What would I do if I lost him and then that stupid crib set was delivered? Silly things like that were going through my head. Instead of thinking HE'S GOING TO BE OK, I was mentally preparing myself for the worst case.
I called my boss in tears, explained to her what was going on and that I had no choice but to stay in bed. Thankfully I can do a lot of my job from my laptop at home and I work for an amazing company. She said we would figure something out but not to worry about that, just take care of me and my baby. I called my sisters next. I cried, they cried. Both of my sisters after hanging up with me started researching it, I'm sure trying to find cases where the baby lived and trying to give me hope. They'd call back here and there telling me something new about a baby that had made it, or a mom that had the same condition and both her and the baby were ok now. I was in a daze. I listened to them, or tried. But all I wanted was for the doctor to call me and say oops we made a mistake, your baby is fine and you will carry full term!
We got home from the doctor, I changed into something comfortable and laid in bed. We propped my pillows up under my hips and got me comfortable. I kept thinking if I could get my hips propped up high enough then my baby wouldn't be on my cervix at all and that would keep him in there. Makes sense right?
That night my husband, the sweet man he is, moved my night stand, put up 3 shelves next to the bed, loaded them down with snacks, paper, pen, printer, laptop, everything I'd need to be able to stay in bed. He put the mini fridge on the floor next to the bed. We were determined to make this work! Every day as soon as he got home from work, he would cook us dinner or go get something for dinner. He would eat next to me and then lay down with me and keep me company or entertain me.
Day 1 of bedrest wasn't so bad. I was pregnant after all and sleep was good. I spent a large majority of my days reading stories about other women who had a shortened or incompetent cervix. I would call my sister and say "oh my god, just read about this baby that made it and only had this wrong..." I slowly started willing myself to believe that he would be ok. I knew we would have a battle but me having him early didn't mean I was going to lose him.
I had friends come by, family would take me to and from the doctor. My mother-n-law would cook us a wonderfully home cooked meal on the weekends. Her and my father-n-law would come sit in the bedroom with us all and we'd visit. They are so sweet. We all knew what "could" happen but none of us allowed me to think or dwell on it.
Everyday I thought, just one more day that he's in there getting bigger and stronger! Every day that he could cook a little longer the better his odds!
I made it 2 weeks on bedrest. That meant I was able to go back and see my specialist. This time he wasn't so mean and grumpy. He seemed happy to see that I had made it this far. I was at 25 weeks! He checked my cervix and it had shorted a little more but it was still hard, which means it hadn't started getting soft so the baby would come out easy. I was trying to stay positive. I kept thinking if only I can make it to 28 weeks! That was the magical number in my head. He told me again to make another appointment for 2 weeks for another follow up.
I didn't make that next appointment. My appointment was on Monday. Thursday night of the same week, my husband was in the room with me playing Black Ops. I got up to go pee and noticed something similar to gel when I wiped. Everyone had told me signs to look for which included contractions and bleeding, nothing about gel. I told my husband and we debated what to do. After a few minutes we decided to go to the ER just to be safe.
We got to the ER at Kingwood Hospital and they immediately took me back to Labor & Delivery. They hooked me up to lots of machines checking for my babies heart beat and to see if I was having contractions. A doctor came in later and checked my cervix and said that it seemed hard still but they wanted to keep me overnight because my uterus seemed "irritated". I was moved to a room to settle in for the night. Since this was a delivery room and women aren't meant to stay long, my poor husband got to sleep on a horribly uncomfortable recliner. All night long I felt fine. I still was seeing gel when I used the restroom but apparently no one else was alarmed about this.
The next day things changed. My uterus decided to not just be irritated anymore but to go into full blown contractions. The doctor came in to see me and recommended we start the magnesium drip which should stop my contractions. He explained that it would make me feel pretty bad but they were hoping to stop the contractions so my baby didn't come right now. So we started it. And he was right, it did make me feel pretty yuck. But if it would work I'd do anything!
Throughout the next day or so family visited, we talked, cried, laughed. The NICU doctor came to see me and my husband. He explained the chances and possibilities of everything that could happen once my son was born. He didn't sugar coat anything. But he did tell me my baby had a good chance of survival, but would probably face several challenges. I can deal with challenges! It's the alternative I couldn't deal with.
Saturday afternoon I was miserable with contractions. The magnesium wasn't working. My contractions were about 2 or 3 minutes apart and were horrible! They finally decided to give me an epidural to help with the pain. What a miracle drug that ended up being. I finally could see straight without wanting to cry from the pain. I could finally lay back and relax. And I could finally look at the machine monitoring my contractions and see that they had slowed down! By Saturday evening they were 12 minutes apart, then 20 minutes apart. It was great! We went to bed with a smile thinking something had finally worked! The doctors even felt better.
Until 2:22 a.m. and 25.6 weeks pregnant, I woke up to my water breaking. I called to my husband "babe I think my water just broke". Keep in mind I had my epidural so it was kind of hard to tell 100%. He checked and called for the nurse. The nurse and doctor both came in. My water had indeed broke. They also said that the amniotic fluid had a slight odor to it. Apparently that usually means there is some kind of infection. Considering how early I was having my baby they weren't taking any chances with one of us having an infection. So they decided to give me pitocin to speed up contractions. The doctor said I was 1 cm dilated so we would probably have a baby around noon or so....That didn't happen.
My husband called all of my family and his. He told them don't rush but that my contractions were back and my water had broke but that I shouldn't have him until that afternoon. My mom and sisters rushed up there. My mother-n-law stayed with our daughters (technically my step daughters but I claim them as mine) until they woke up. She didnt want them to panic.
Most of this is a blur but around 4am my doctor checked me again and by that point I had dilated a little more but she thought I would still have a little longer before he came. They went ahead and notified the NICU doctor so he could be on stand by to come to the hospital.
By 6am I could tell something was changing. I felt an incredible pressure that I hadn't felt before. It made me want to push to get my baby out but I knew I couldn't. The doctor came in shortly after that and checked me again and she said "wow we're about to have a baby". That would have been great except the NICU doctor wasn't there yet. He was "on his way". Great! They asked if they thought I could hold him in until the doctor got there. Are you kidding me? I can try was my only answer. The doctor stepped out of the room, my husband went to get my mom. The only person left was one of Madden's future NICU nurses, whom we absolutely love now. She was talking to me and I'm guessing trying to distract me. We started talking about her hair being in pigtails. She made me laugh and I remember telling her she has to stop making me laugh because I felt like with every giggle I was pushing him out!
The doctor came back in the room and told me that the NICU doctor was in the parking lot so it would be just a few moments before I could push. A huge team of doctors and nurses were now in the room. Next to me was a tiny bed for my baby. The NICU doctor finally arrived. My doctor told me to push. I pushed once and a tiny baby literally flew out. Because I went into labor so fast they never put me in a delivery bed. I was in a regular hospital bed and the doctor sat on the foot of the bed. Thank goodness for that! If I had been in a regular bed my baby would have probably hit the floor. The doctor leaned down as if to catch a football and when I pushed he came out so fast he hit her in the shoulder. Her first words were "wow I wasn't expecting that".
At 6:55 am my sweet baby, Madden Joe Martinez, was welcomed into this world. He let out a sweet tiny little cry. My husband and mom kept telling me to look at him, look at him. I kept looking around but I couldn't find him. I finally saw him in the doctors hands. He was so tiny. I've never seen a baby so tiny in person. He was beautiful. He was mine. And he was breathing.
Of course I didnt get to see him long, nor hear him long. They intubated him immediately and rushed him off to NICU. They told my husband he could see him as soon as he was stable. Of course I couldn't see him so soon because they had to tend to me and get me into the post pardum room.
I remember my husband at one point coming back and showing me a picture of him. I can't describe how I felt. I loved this baby so much. But I was so scared. I remember my family sitting with me in my new room. I remember a nurse telling me I could go see him when I was ready. But I also remember a hesitation. If I saw him it became real. If I looked at him and knew I couldn't touch him it because real. But he was my baby. I had a motherly instinct to want to sit by him 24/7 until he was ok.
My husband wheeled me down to NICU. We had to be shown how to scrub up to our elbows and we were told to do that every time we came in. They had placed Madden's incubator at the very back of the room in the corner. They had the lights turned off and a heavy plastic cover over his incubator. Part of the rules in this NICU was the first 6 days of life there is no stimulation. They only were to touch him when necessary, no light, nothing that would be different than if he was in the womb. That also meant I couldn't touch my baby.
All the machines going off were scary. But as I got closer to his incubator I couldn't wait to see him. They lifted the cover so we could see him. There layed my perfect baby boy. He had tubes and wires everywhere but that didnt make a difference to me. He was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. One of his NICU nurses had told me after I had him that he was the most pink 25 week preemie she had ever seen. Apparently that is a good thing. He had great coloring.
The nurse practioner, Tracy, came to talk to us and laid it out on the line. Again, she didnt sugar coat anything. She told us about all the things that could happen. Explained what a roller coaster the next several months would be and to get comfortable because we were in for a long ride. They explained that the first 48 hours were the most critical. So much could happen and go wrong. She said on the 7th day they would do a brain ultrasound to check for brain bleeds. She explained the different degrees or stages of a brain bleed. Grade 1 and 2 we could deal with. A lot of times they would go away on their own and not have lasting effects. Grade 3 was bad, grade 4 they would talk to the families about life expectancy. They also talked to us about Necrotizing Enterocolitis (NEC). This is a serious intestinal illness that a lot of babies in NICU can get. Some recover, some dont.
I can't explain in words the feelings we went through. Looking at this sweet baby laying in there and just hoping with everything in me that he didn't have anything wrong with him.
My husband stayed with me that night. I remember sitting in my hospital room, hearing the other moms and their crying babies around me. I broke down. All I wanted was my baby in my arms. My husband comforted me and told me something I will never forget. He said "babe those moms may get to have their babies in the room but ours is special. He wanted to see his mom so bad he couldnt stand to wait the 9 months and had to come early". It made me laugh. I still believe that is true to this day.
Mike woke up early around 5 am to go see Madden, then run to the house and shower and change for work. He called me when he left the hospital and said babe he did great last night. They didnt have any issues with him.
I text him at 6:55 am and said guess what, we made it 24 hours!
The next morning he did the same routine.
He text me at 6:55 am and said guess what, we made it 48 hours!
And it continued like that. We counted the hours, the days that he was ok. He just layed peacefully in his little bed getting bigger and stronger.
At this point I started pumping to try to provide breast milk to my baby. The nurses told me how important my milk was to him and how much better it was for him than formula. I did this for months. I'd pump, save it in the freezer and bring it to the hospital everytime I went.
During my stay at the hospital I would sit for hours at his incubator just watching him. Watching his little movements, the little jerks and twitches that preemies do because their nerves are developed yet. So many other moms were coming in while I was there and holding their babies, or nursing their babies. I just got to sit and watch him fight for his life in an incubator.
My husband and I were amazed at how fragile he was. His ears hadn't fully developed and were paper thin. Eventually we would mold them into shape until he started getting bigger and the developed better. His skin was so thin that it would tear if they pulled off his monitor pads. Everything had to be done so carefully because he was so fragile.
By Wednesday, the made me go home. They couldn't find a reason to keep me in the hospital any longer. They tried, believe me. My doctor knew I didnt want to leave Madden's side. It was the worst day of my life. I had to pack all my things up and walk out of the hospital without my baby. The world just doesn't seem right when you don't have your baby with you, leaving the hospital. I cry about it to this day. It's a horrible feeling that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
Day 7 came. Today is the brain ultrasound. They did the ultrasound that morning. And although I would like for them to stop everything they are doing and tell me the results immediately, that just doesn't happen. We sat with him most of the day. We left at one point to go get something to eat. When we came back one of the nurses said great news on the ultrasound, as if we already knew the results. We asked what she meant. She said well I dont have the official report but the doctor reviewed it and said he didnt see any issues. No brain bleeds.
No brain bleeds. 3 little words that mean so much. None, zip, zero. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. The explained that they would repeat the ultrasound on day 14 and 42 of his life. They didnt tell me we were 100% safe from one developing but they did tell me what a big thing this was for him not to have any. The remaining tests they performed on him also showed no bleeds.
The next week was the same. Nothing much happened. He just layed in his little bed getting bigger. He lost a little bit of weight but slowly started putting it back on. At 7 days they removed him from the intubator and put him on the C-Pap for oxygen. You could hardly see his little face but it was great that he didnt have to have a tube down his throat anymore, except his feeding tube.
At almost 2 weeks, they told me that the following day, Sunday, they were removing the last of his lines in his belly button. That meant I could hold him. FINALLY, I could lay my hands on my baby boy. I could kiss his little head and tell him how much his momma loved him.
When Sunday came, I'm not sure I ever felt the ground. I all but skipped into NICU that morning. His nurse already had his tubes out, C-Pap was in place. I changed into a gown so he could have skin to skin contact with me to help keep him warm. I sat down and they layed my sweet baby on my chest. If I ever wondered what Heaven was like, I knew then. I was in my happy place. Nothing else in the world mattered. I had my Madden! My sweet little baby.
I was only allowed 1 hour a day to hold him to start with. I worked in the mornings then flew to NICU to hold my baby. That went on for months.
As you will see from the dates in the pictures below, my husband didnt hold him the same day I did. He wanted to, dont get me wrong. But he knew how much I wanted and phsyically needed to hold Madden. So he waited patiently until they started increasing the amount of time I could hold him. I love him for that. For understanding how badly I needed to hold our baby.
The sweetest thing about all of this was my husband. Since the day Madden was born, he would wake up at 5 am and go see him before NICU closed for 2 hours for shift change. This may not seem big to most people but my husband is not an early riser. He enjoys his sleep. But with Madden things were different. The alarm clock would go off, he got up, got dressed while I slept. He drove the opposite direction of work and went to the hospital. He had to scrub up, then he would see Madden and tell him his Daddy loved him. He would talk to his nurses to see how he did during the night. He would go back to Madden, talk to him again, touch his little hands or feet and tell him bye. As soon as he walked out he would call me and give me a report on how he did that night.
Madden was in NICU for 88 days. 88 of the longest days of my life. Its funny because since he's gotten out time has flown. But when my baby wasn't with me and we were scared of the what ifs, time stopped. Mike and I saw babies come in and out of NICU. We got to know some of the other families. Got to hear their stories and got to smile for them when they heard they were able to take their babies home. We were always so happy for them. We knew how hard it was to have a baby in NICU. If we ever have another baby I hope to just wave to the nurses through the NICU windows.
During his stay he had for the most part what they call an uneventful stay. Nothing major happened. Nothing that wouldn't fix itself as he got bigger. He had lots of bradycardias and apnea spells. A bradycardia is when his heartbeat would slow down very low. And of course apnea is when he wouldn't breath for a second. Both are very common in pre-term babies. NICU standards are that the baby has to go 5 days with no spells. Madden couldn't go 5 hours sometimes without having one.
One evening I looked at him and asked his nurse if his coloring looked different. She was a new nurse to him so she didnt know what to compare it with. My husband said he was fine but I couldn't shake it, something seemed off.
The next morning I got a call from his nurse that said they were going to do a blood and urine culture because I was right, his coloring looked wrong. I was scared. Very scared. Infection is one of the worst things a baby can get in NICU. The urine culture results took 24 hours. The blood culture results were 72 hours I believe. We waited, nervously to hear the results.
I walked in the next morning and one of the nurses said they got the urine culture results and it looks like it is a UTI, urinary tract infection. Blood culture results were still pending. Once those came back it was confirmed that all he had was a UTI. We can fix that! Again, a happy momma!
They treated him with lots of strong antibiotics. They even had to put an IV in his head. It was horrible to see. I couldn't hold him for a few days because of the IVs. That was agonizing. Taking my one moment of true happiness away from me!
Finally, the UTI was gone. The IVs came out.
Eventually the C-Pap was removed and he got a nasal cannula. I could finally see his perfect little face. No more C-Pap to hide him from me.
Things progressively started getting better. He was getting bigger and bigger. Gaining weight like a champ, eating like a champ.
The last Friday of April we were supposed to be able to take him home. My husband and I got off work early. We were so ready to bring our sweet baby home finally. We walked into NICU and 5 minutes before they were scheduled to remove all of his monitors he had a bradycardia/apnea spell. Guess what that meant? I couldn't take my baby home. I cried. My shoulders slumped, I was miserable.
The doctor was on his way to do his rounds and so the Physicans Assistant called and told him what was going on. He said he will have to go home on a breathing monitor. The nurses and P.A. immediately got things into motion and faxed the home health care company and order to deliver a home apnea monitor to this hospital that night. We were so hopeful that if they got it there in time we'd still be able to take Madden home.
The doctor got there and all our hopes were destroyed. He said, yes he can go home on an apnea monitor, but not tonight. They wanted to monitor him on it and see how he does for 48 hours. Plus they wanted to make sure that we were trained in how to use it and felt comfortable bringing him home with it. Again, I was miserable. Yes, I know it was best for him to stay in the hospital. And looking back, I'm glad that he had the brady right before we unhooked his monitors. I'd have rathered him have one then, when we knew he was having it rather than stop breathing and we didn't know about it. Madden has always self recovered when he stopped breathing with no stimulation needed. But there can always be that one time that he doesn't recover on his own. We couldn't take a chance.
The nurse we had that day, Debbie, then told me the best news I'd heard all day. She said sometimes, as long as a room is open, the Labor and Delivery area will let NICU parents stay in a room in the hospital with their baby while hooked up to the home apena monitor. They do this to help adjust to sleeping with the baby in the room and to help us get used to using the monitor. We called my husbands mom and asked if she could stay with the girls. My husband drove home and packed us some clothes and we prepared to stay at the hospital.
Around 8pm the home apnea monitor company came to our hospital room. He showed us how the equipment is used, what the alarm sounded like, how it beeps if it is a bradycardia or how it beeps if it is an apnea spell. Then we unhooked madden from his monitors and put the apnea monitor around his little chest.
He was able to come to our room with us FINALLY! I got to sit on the bed with him in my arms and finally feel how so many other moms feel when they are in the hospital and get to hold their babies in the room with them. I got to experience what it is like not have to send my baby to NICU or to the nursery overnight and for the first time in 86 days of being at the hospital I got to enjoy being in the room with my husband and our baby boy. Just the 2 of us. It was amazing.
We called our families and told them what was going on. Instead of coming to our house as planned the next day, they would have to come visit us once again in the hospital. Kingwood hospital has a rule about NICU visitors. Only parents and grandparents and your children over 2 are allowed to come into NICU. That meant for 86 days our sisters and other close friends and family were not allowed to see him except through a window that stayed closed most of the time. That may not sound bad except that Madden was in the back corner. They could see over to his incubator, but then you have to picture a 2 pound baby in this big incubator, covered up and with wires all over him. Needless to say, they didn't really get a glimpse of him until we had him in our hospital room.
We spent Friday night and Saturday night in that hospital room. Gloriously happy. His monitor went off a few times. Scared us more than it scared him. The nurses and Doctor would come check on him during their normal rounds. But he was doing great. Saturday afternoon his Doctor told us if everything goes well that night then we get to take him home tomorrow.
Sunday morning, his nurse came to talk to us and said they were already working on the discharge papers and its a good thing that things went well last night because they have already given Madden's incubator spot to another preemie baby that needed it! I can't explain how weird it was to walk back in NICU to get his tiny clothes and belongings and see another baby in his spot. I felt as if we had been there so long it should stay Madden's spot forever! Hopefully that spot brought that baby good luck like it had us.
We packed up our stuff, Mike took everything to the car and moved it closer to the doors. When he got back, the 3 of us and Madden's nurse took one last trip to NICU. I cried. Over the last 88 days I grew to love these nurses. I trusted them with the life of my son. They saw me cry. They took such good care of my baby. I owed them everything. I hugged them bye and we promised to visit and send pictures.
We walked out and had to walk through Labor and Delivery. So many of those nurses knew us, or more importantly knew Madden. They were so excited for us that he got to go home.
We got to the car. I hugged his nurse bye and promised again to keep in touch. Then I got in the car and shut the door to the backseat. My baby was coming home.
That was May 1st 2011. He was originally due on May 23rd. We took him home when he was 37 weeks gestational. Early.
Since then Madden has done amazingly well. His pediatrician told me with home apnea monitors a baby has to go 3 months with ZERO apnea spells before we can come off the monitor. That sounded like an eternity! He ended up being on it for 5 months. The 1st month he had 3 apnea spells, the 2nd he had 1. After that they stopped. They stopped just as his doctor in NICU said they would do. He told me with preemie babies it is common to have apnea spells and one day they just outgrow them. And he did. We had his monitor results downloaded every month. Finally while cooking dinner one night I got a call around 7pm from his pediatrician telling me the last report was back and I can take the monitor off him. I cried. Again.
I was so scared. For the first time in his life he wasn't going to be hooked up to any monitors. How in the world was I expected to sleep? But I did. And in time it got easier, mostly because I was exhausted from waking up all night to feed or pump. Sleep came easy.
My baby boy will be turning one in just a little over a week. This past year was the best and most scary time of my life. He has brought more joy to my life than I ever thought possible. He has let me learn what it is like to have pure unconditionally motherly love. He is my world.
There isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't amaze me. He has brought all of us closer in so many ways.
He is our miracle.
Here's a few photos:
The day he was born - February 13, 2011
Here's one showing how tiny he was compared to a regular sized pacifier
First time I got to hold Madden - February 27th 2011
The first time his Daddy got to hold Madden - March 5th 2011
Madden on his way home - May 1st 2011
Madden now. Christmas 2011
